Random Musings of a Super Joi
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Joi. Joee[dʒoʊ.i]=Yes. Spell as Joy. BeEd Special Education. Go USTe! Clay crafts. Crochet. Writer. Idealist. Wizard status: Mudblood. Pro-Earth (save earth!). Aspiring actress. Frustrated Violini--(backspace, backspace, still not worthy!)
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August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 May 2011 October 2011 December 2011
Saturday, December 31, 2011, 5:31 PM
You get what you wish for
For my baptism in Singles for Christ a few months ago, we were told to choose the best two gifts we'd like to receive among the gifts of the Holy Spirit, namely Discernment, Faith, Healing, Miracle, Tongues of fire, Interpreting the Tongues, wisdom, knowledge and yeah, forgot the others :P. I didnt think about it much though because I already knew what i needed. So I prayed for Faith and Healing. Faith, because I lack it the most. I constantly worry about how ugly my life would get and I also constantly fear about going through it. Healing, because with all the wounds I have in my life, and how weak is my pain tolerance, I'd like to be able to get back up, and help others heal too through me. Today, January 1, 2012 I realized that God indeed gave me these gifts. In the most mysterious way: the break up.
Towards the end of my romantic relationship, I tried to establish a good come up with God so that I could catch up with the faith of my partner then. Sure it was uplifting attending worship services and learning about Christianity, but i am aware that I do this halfheartedly. It was superficial. After I've become introduced with the pains of heartbreak, thats the time I run to God for peace and healilng. It was unbearable for me because my partner was also my bestfriend through out college, and actually the first friend I had who really accepted me for who I was. The random cries, the sleepless nights, and the list goes on. All these, I prayed to God. Things did not turn out the way I expected and hoped for, looking back at the process, I couldnt believe that I was able to survive it either. Truly, without the Lord's guidance, I could have been more than lost.
With this experience, I was brought closer to God, the break up opened a space in my heart for a personal relationship with Jesus. Sure it was tedious and painful as so much, but I could say its worth it. Also, with this experience, I learn a few techniques how to overlook pains and anxieties, in other words, I learned how to heal myself. It took a borken heart to receive those two gifts. The process was very unlikely, but if it wasnt for it, I dont think these gifts would be deserved.
God works in mysterious ways. I am thankful I didnt give up soon, or I couldnt have seen God's purpose for that experience in my life. Today, January 1, 2012, I woke up realizing these things just upon opening my eyese. Am i wiser? haha. I dont have a list of new years resolution. I know what I needed and wanted to improve on, and that is to grow in Faith in the Lrd.
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Monday, October 31, 2011, 11:29 PM
Murder
So this guy in a restaurant walked up and was so nicey nice to my sister. He obviously have attractions towards her. however he was so superficial about it that I couldnt have a decent conversation with my sister so i got really irritated at him. My atm card was eaten by the machine and i didnt have any funds with me (i even dont have enough money to go home) So i asked a security guard if he knows how i could get my card but he was completely rude and uninterested about helping me.
I was riding a jeepney and paid for the fair, but the driver didnt return my change and my stop is almost there up ahead. I asked him for the change but he replied rudely by saying "oo sandali, narinig kita, maghintay ka lang isasampal ko rin yung pera mo sa mukha mo."
these are some of the occasions i felt like throwing a fit.That i wish lazer beams are real and handy, or that i have super powers like that one where i can move things and just throw something at them. When most people would respond to this situations by throwing a response to prolong the argument, my case is different. When i can usually throw a smart killer retort at them, I rather not let my blood boil and let them succeed in making me uncomfortable, instead;
I shoot them..
In my head.
whenever they have their backs turned, i shoot them with my lazer gun finger, and the gush of imaginary energy towards them just makes me feel really comfortable afterwards. I imagine shooting them with bad karma. hahaha childish yes. Lets just say this is my little way of 'turning the other cheek' plus channeling a little of my bad energy towards them.
Sigh, the perks of being an introvert.
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11:08 PM
Senior year
Its been a while. apparently.
I had to check my last post to remind myself when was the last time i was creative (or productive) in writing. I have stopped writing for quite a long time, and no wonder i've been going through some tough stuff now. So now i am here, trying to get back at the old therapeutic habit of random musings in a literature type of rant.
The Queen is back. all hail!
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Thursday, May 5, 2011, 1:41 AM
Corruption
Today, I STOOD AGAINST CORRUPTION. Two guys came in our house to set up the telephone line and the internet connection. Now days ahead of that, i asked my mother if there is any fee i should pay in case they come, and she said that all fees will reflect in our telephone bill. However one of the repairmen came up to me and told me they'd have to change and add wires because the location of the boarding house is quite far from the main road. So they have extra wire that they will use.... blah blah. My head started to spin so I interrupted him, "so what should i do about that?" He was stunned. then he said something about extra charge, so I started asking more specifically. If i finally get his explanation right, He said he's gonna need to charge me because they will have extra wires... (lets just skip this part.) As i was in the middle of my blur, I had a thought, isnt all these are computed by the PLDT, why the hell should i pay? I only have 50 pesos here, and Dang, he better give me a good reason why should i give it to him. Unfortunately, I found out he's just messing with my intellectual ability. There's no point in paying him after all. Its a scam.
I try to make it my daily habit to stand against corruption, even in little ways. My advocacy started a few days ago (which soon i regret for not noting the date, I didnt know it would be such a significant day in my life) When I paid the fair for the jeepney, but the driver just stared at me for a few seconds, and ignored my signals that i am waiting for my change. It seems normal for everyone, I could even attest to that. My transportation fair from antipolo to lrt station is 18 pesos, but everytime i hand over 20 peso bill, 2 out of 10 chances that i would get my 2 peso change. That has been a regular part of my morning routine. it annoys me yes, but i felt there's nothing i can do about it.
Now i stare at this driver who wont give me my change back. Why is he different from the other drivers (and conductors) that stole a few coins from me? why do i suddenly feel all heated up? Then i remember the talk i heard in the Christian Life Program i am attending at SFC antipolo. "when sin is around us, when wrong doings are done by most people, we become oblivious to it, we shut our eyes and refuse to differ that it is wrong." With that thought entering my mind, I knew that it was time. I played blind all these time.
That's it.
I prayed, and I said,
"Manong, can i get my change, please?"
He stared at me for a while before handing the 1 peso change. i held tightly that 1 peso, that 1 peso that changed my life, changed my ways.
Being a filipino, I am not proud when i say this, the filipino culture is indeed mixed up with the ways of corruption. Its harsh yes, its too straightforward, yes. But how long shall i deny it? I see it happening, I see it everyday in the streets, in school, in tv, everywhere. I am so exposed to it that i even had a hard time identifying if it is a form of corruption. All these time, I thought that 'ah, thats how it should be eh." I dont want to make excuses anymore. Sure i wont become a president of the Philippines to fight corruption, because all these time, I learned that the real power to stop corruption is within the common citizens.
My call to you is,
Let us stop corruption in simple ways. Let us bring back the dignified Filipino culture that we lost a long time ago.
Do not bribe; taking shortcuts by paying fixers, paying that police traffic enforcers, or giving something to your little brother so he wont tell you is a form of bribery. WE all try to bribe so we can skip the long and tedious consequences for us.
follow the due process. This is connected with the first. If we have the will to follow the due process at the first place, we wont even think about bribing. Here's a fact: we are actually creating not shortcuts, but long cuts. If there is no one bribing, all the processes in offices are put in order, no one will try to delay because there would be no point at doing it, when everybody knows that corruption is not tolerated there. soon enough, people will be focusing on making plans on how to speeden the system, rather than coming up with plans how to 'fix' the system caused by the damage of ill ways.
THINK. Who haven't heard the saying "walang maloloko, kung walang papaloko?" Its true. Most people target those people who are easily intimidated. If an aggressor thinks he can make you fold and resolve to abusing you, he'll do it. The repairman who visited my house gave me a very complicated explanation on why he should charge me for the telephone services. I didnt understand him of course, but if i didnt ask him to explain it to me, if i didnt ask every single questionable statement he gave me, he would have fooled me in giving him money. its not expected of us to become more knowledgeable than them, we cant be masters at everything, but showing them you are eager to know all this will alarm them. Remember; they dont expect you to fully understand that they are scamming you, but they dont also expect you to put effort in understanding, so TRY TO UNDERSTAND
! and most importantly, PRAY. It can get very intimidating and scary to stand up against the man. It can cause you humiliation, time, and sometimes even your life. But if you believe in yourself that you can do it, all you have to do is to ask for God's Grace, He will not abandon you for doing what is good. I admit that i am a coward, i am opinionated, but i am the type that keep it to myself, but that time that the jeepney driver tried to intimidate me, I asked for God's grace. "Lord, I am about to ask this big driver to give me my change, please help me move according to what is right, say it properly that i will not hurt him, please give me the courage to do it. amen."
These are my few advices based on my experience. You see, i dont have much. I' have just started my fight against corruption, and yes, i will start small. I will try my very best to commit to it as much as possible. I can feel that the Lord God will not abandon me now that i am in this fight against corruption. What is in it for you, you ask?
The feeling is beyond words. But what i can assure you is that, it feels so good to actually try and do something, rather than just complain and do nothing. its worth a try, I promise.
If a coward like me can do it, why cant you?
Labels: serious matters
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Thursday, October 21, 2010, 3:27 AM
Since I have alot of free time
Social Hibernation begins. I have gone out with friends, its about time I rest my pocket, my phone and myself.I dont know why i'm such a sloth to go out and see my friends these past few days, maybe its God's way of saying i need a Me-Time.
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Tuesday, October 19, 2010, 1:22 AM
My boyfriend then, my boyfriend now.
I cant believe what happened to him.
I've liked him before when he's still big, and now, this is what i get for standing up for him. =D
Labels: random photos
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Sunday, September 19, 2010, 10:36 PM
Gaaah
Okay, I'm supposed to be in class right now but instead i'm here at a computer shop in Dapitan street, consuming my 30 minute internet service. I'm here for two purposes: first is to print the file for our Assessment class that was assigned and sent to me to be printed without informing me, second is go get away from the frustration-causing people. What could you expect from someone who doesn't know? Nothing.I'm annoyed because school's been really stressful, and dealing with incompetent people adds up to the pressure. Things can always be settled through talks, the problem with my group mates is that they feel they have done so much already, that they expect others to do the tasks left. Instead of sensing-feeling, wouldn't it be easier if you directly tell the person? this is so wasting precious time.
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Monday, August 30, 2010, 12:30 AM
Manila Bus Seige
Everybody was taken by surprise by what happened. I'm done trying to defend the country for what has happened. the "dont blame the whole nation for one man's fault" crap. Because no matter how hard one tries, it will not calm down the angry hearts of HK nationals. They're very brothers were killed in a foreign country where the government is expected to keep them safe. How the Specialized Unit was supposed to rescue them alive because they work best at it. They are so angry at us, at Philippines, at my people, and all we can do is to bow down and accept their taunts. The question is, when will it come to an end? what can be done to end it?
So many what Ifs i have in mind, so many regrets. then i realized, why bother sulk into the things that never happened and never will? I tried to look forward to the future, but all i see is full of negativity. It scares me to move forward. But it scares me more to be stuck where i am forever. I'm scared that the Philippines will be stuck here forever. I'm done feeling sorry for my country. So many times we made the world laugh because of our kapalpakan. All these, i blame to ourselves. What change are we all waiting for to actually start using our minds? When are we gonna start to move forward? Its never the answer to stop and be sentimental for every tumbles we will encounter! after so many centuries, what push do we need to finally move forward?!
So many what Ifs i have in mind, so many regrets. then i realized, why bother sulk into the things that never happened and never will? I tried to look forward to the future, but all i see is full of negativity. It scares me to move forward. But it scares me more to be stuck where i am forever. I'm scared that the Philippines will be stuck here forever. I'm done feeling sorry for my country. So many times we made the world laugh because of our kapalpakan. All these, i blame to ourselves. What change are we all waiting for to actually start using our minds? When are we gonna start to move forward? Its never the answer to stop and be sentimental for every tumbles we will encounter! after so many centuries, what push do we need to finally move forward?!
DAMN IT!!
Be angry that what happened was embarrassing. Be angry that the whole nation is to be blamed for one man's fault. Be angry that I want change to come from me and see a concrete result. Be angry that I know I cant do it alone. Be angry that I doubt everyone will do the same. Be angry that I am a Filipino.
Be angry that after everything I am still proud to be one.
Be angry that after everything I am still proud to be one.
Labels: serious matters
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Sunday, August 1, 2010, 4:44 PM
some random
Whenever Sir b and I have the chance to talk, we'd exchange questions but most of the time, i'd only get answers like "Good Question/ Good Thinking." At first, it really flattered me. That's coming from a Dr. Balingit, wow. However it learned to satiate me. I need REAL answers to my questions.
Me: Really sir, I'm just curious. and for the record, you havent been answering any of my questions except "good question"
Sir B: because, i know that you'll find your way to answer the questions, and for some of your questions, you are the answer.
..He really knows how to shut people up.
Labels: Sir B
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Friday, July 30, 2010, 5:24 PM
Do I Ever Win against Sir B?
*Sir B and I were text messaging about how his performance was during the G.A.
Sir B: What was nice about it?
Me: Why does it matter?
Sir B: Questions are supposed to be answered by answers; not another question.
Me: E kayo rin naman po sakin eh..
Sir B: that's because we are on different levels, gods and mortals
*later on...
Me: Do I ever get my turn to ask the questions?
Sir B. Yes.. And that was your turn.
Me: .....Labels: randomness
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